I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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