when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
These tits shall not be calmed
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
