it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
