i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
