That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
