Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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