Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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