I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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