Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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