just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
