I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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