I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
