Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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