I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
