Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
