I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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