He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
