he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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