Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
