Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
