did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
