Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
splinters make it hard to masturbate
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So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
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I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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