remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
