I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
