The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
