That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
