All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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