WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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