Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
