jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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