I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
