Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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