happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
