I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
