Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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