we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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