she was so not down for the gang bang
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
