When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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