she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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