Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text