I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
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Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
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I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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