I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.