Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.