So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
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with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
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I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead