he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.