My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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