my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
