I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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