Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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