And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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