I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
