It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
