Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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