Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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