So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
