you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
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It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
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Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
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