we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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