I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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