You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
wow bdsm is so cute
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
