Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
