In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
