"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
